So I decided there is no need for the big fairy tale shabang?

Whadddupppp!

I'm always full of thoughts, that's nothing new. But lately I'm been really thinking about weddings. If you knew me, you would know that I LOVE WEDDINGS. The Wedding Planner, Bride Wars, 27 Dresses, all have earned a spot on my list of favorites. I love attending weddings. I love watching wedding videos. I love perusing wedding dresses, flowers, rings, and decorations on Pinterest. My parents joke that I'm going to be a bridezilla. But lately, my feelings have been changing about them. By no means am I saying that I don't like them anymore, OHHH HECKK NO. I've just finally began to realize what is really important. It's not about how pretty your flowers are or what color seat covers you have. It's not about whether everyone likes the venue or whether the food is tasty enough to satisfy your guests. It's about love and celebrating the fact that you just dedicated your life to another human. Helllooooo, that's a big deal. While I believe that I have always known this, I have held very high expectations for that special day. I believe that I could have the fairy tale wedding that I envision, someday. Someday meaning when I'm like 30 because all that "stuff" is really expensive. Is it worth the wait? In my opinion, definitely not. When I get married, whenever that is, I want the day to be special. I also want it to be simple. I want it to be a day for US, done OUR way, not the fancy fairy tale way because after the day is over, what are you going to remember? I don't want to remember how stressed out I was. I don't want to remember how mean I was to people because I was stressed out. I want to remember a beautiful, happy day. The day I told the entire world that I was going to love this man every single day for the rest of my life. So if we want to eat chicken strips and wear flip flops, so be it. 

End of rant. 

Love, 

LHDK

So I decided that maybe I have the winter blues?

Aloha. 

Good gravy, I wish I was on a warm beach basking in the sunshine and listening to the waves hit the sand. I was rereading some of my blogs and I concluded that I never really say anything interesting, but that's okay. This seems more of an outlet for me to let it out (and pretend like people might read this and find comfort in having the same struggles) rather than entertainment. 

For some reason, this week has been kinda hard for me and I really don't know why. Maybe it's the winter blues? Maybe it's the weight of a little deep thinking? How should I know? Again, long hair don't know. We all have a sad day here and there when we don't feel right and just wanna snuggle in our beds. I've been feeling like that all week. I've realized that I am usually a pretty happy person, but this week I've felt kind of bummed out. I've been feeling that I have to put on a fake show that I'm my usual happy snappy self. I'm hoping this funk will soon pass! 

This week, I think I have definitely been faced with some ideas and situations that have made me think and question some things. I am applying to be a RA and the class is quite grueling for me, but also very insightful. If you knew me, you would know that when I want something, I will most definitely persist until I find a way to get it. With this RA position, I don't feel like I have that ambition and that drive to get it. So maybe I don't really want it? I believe that it is a wonderful position that can be used to benefit many, many individuals. So I should want it. I should want it really bad. I had a dream last night that one of my friends told me that I should just drop now because "you don't have what it takes anyway, Ali." Though I know this friend would never say such a thing to myself, I feel hurt by it. But not enough to do my usual, "You don't think I can do it? Just watch." I don't know. Another thing is that I feel the need to put on a fake show in that class too. Look at me, I'm Ali, and I'm outgoing and bubbly, and I live to play icebreaker games! But I'm not into any of that. I'm quiet and reserved and quite frankly hate ice breaker games most of the time. 

Another thing that I have come to realize is that I do a lot of things I "should" do only because I "should" do them. That goes back to the RA thing as well. If I get the position, I will get a hefty chunk taken out of my college expenses and so of course, I should do whatever it takes to get that. I'm President of a club because well, let's be honest here, it will look good on scholarship applications. Don't get me wrong, I am very honored that I have been given these opportunities for success and both will definitely help me to develop leadership skills, people skills, and time management. I will be thrilled if I get RA and I will definitely pour my heart and soul into the position because that's what I do. I don't not give it my all. In relationships, in my schoolwork, in everything, here have it all. I've been learning lately though, that sometimes I can't do it all. I have to say no, to step away, to let someone else take care of something. 

Amidst everything, struggles and victories, I know that it is important to give it to God. Trust in God because He knows what's going on and you don't. Let Jesus take the wheel or you're going to crash your little car. This isn't Mario Kart, let God drive.

Have a lovely day! ♥

With Love,

LHDK

This is a great song and a great reminder to "keep your head up, keep your heart strong."

So I decided... nothing. Today was just rough.

Hi everyone.

Today there was a shooting at the university that I attend. 

What a day.

I am really struggling to find words to describe what is going on in my head right now. 

I am scared and anxious and struggling to trust other people.

Yet. 

I am so thankful. 

Thankful for my safety, the safety of my boyfriend, and the safety of my friends and classmates.

Thankful for a strong community united by tragedy.

Thankful for family and friends.

Thankful for life, for another blessed day on this earth.

But most of all, thankful for an awesome God. I know He has a purpose and a plan. 

I am thankful for the love of God being spread across this campus of a public school.

I am thankful for my boyfriend who failed to leave my side today. Who said, "Ali, you're not going to class. You're staying right here." 

Many times today I have turned to God, often speechless, unsure of what to say. Yet, I believe God knows the yearning of my soul. 

It's been a whirlwind of a day. So long, but yet so short. 

Life is so precious, so short, and so full of opportunities. Take them. Give them. 

Love each other. 

Pray.

And give thanks.

I'm tired, but so full of thoughts.

Love, 

LHDK

I may not know a lot of things, but I do know to trust in the Lord with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding. That is something that helps me to rest easier. 

So I decided to make New Year's Resolutions?

Hello, hello, helllooooo!

As 2013 comes to a close, I have really no choice but to think about all the blessings that I have experienced this year. So many wonderful things, so many wonderful people, and so many wonderful examples of God working in my life. 

As another year comes around, I decided to make a few resolutions this year. Of course, I want to exercise and eat healthy, but I'm gonna skip those this year and try to come up with a few things that are more meaningful and perhaps may benefit other people besides myself. 

New Year's Resolutions for 2014:

1. Do more things to brighten people's day. For example, if I get great customer service, I'm going to call up the place and tell the manager. 

2. Never raise my voice. (I know this is a gonna be a toughie, especially in the time I spend at home.)

3. Make a better habit of making time for God in my life.

4. When I say I will pray for someone, I want to actually consciously take the time away and do it. 

5. Do something cool and out of the ordinary. I don't know what this is going to be, but I want to do something kinda crazy, something out of my reserved character. 

I'm sure there are many things that I need to strive to do in the upcoming year, but I'd say five is a solid number.

January 2, 2014 REVISED
I have two more things to add.
6. Develop my housewife skills
7. Run a 5k. 

Happy New Year!

♥LHDK

So I decided I'm ready for the next phase?

'ello!

Okay, first of all. Every time I hear the word "phase" I think of the three years that I spent in braces. Phase 1 and Phase 2. I had some messed up teeth, so these phases may (or may not) have repeated at least twice. 

Anyway, not that my braces are interesting or this post will be either, but that's not the phase I am thinking about. This idea or concept has probably been brewing for awhile now, but I feel like I am ready for the next step of life of being on my own. My first year of college, I was always counting down the days until I could go home and see my family again. I was like that at the beginning of this year a little too, but lately I have definitely not felt that "need" to go home. With a month long Christmas break approaching, I can't say I'm crazy excited to be home for a whole month. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love my family to pieces. I am still excited to see them and can't wait to laugh and share stories with them. It's just that I feel like I am ready to let go of the rope that ties me to them. I am ready to be on my own. In an essence, I am since I'm a college student. 

Another thing that may be adding to this feeling is my desire to get out of this one room dorm room. I can't complain too much, I don't mind living here. It has a lot of perks, but I live in one room and share a bathroom with 50 other girls. My kitchen table is my bed or my desk. Privacy is non-existent. I just want a TV and a couch. That last part sounds a little crazy, I know.

Also, since this little enlightening, I really want to go on a mission trip. I'm also thinking about this summer, and I just wanna do something that is awesome. Something that's more empowering than working at a donut shop. Just some ideas... 

But what do I know? A crazy little college girl with no income can't just do whatever she wants. 

They'd call that girl Loco Cocoa. I'm gonna pray about it, and if anyone reads this: can you say a quick prayer for me too?

Love, 

LHDK

So I decided that Sunday is like a day of love?

HEY.

There's something about Sundays. I kinda like 'em. 

Aside from the fact that it's the day before the dreaded Monday, Sundays always seem to be a day full of love, like Valentine's Day only not quite as awful?

I love going to church on Sundays.

I thought today's service was absolutely wonderful. Inspiring songs and an impacting message make for a great hour and a half. I love the church that I go to here on campus. I get so much more out of it than I do from my church back home. 

I love family. 

Back before this whole college thing, my mom's side of the family used to have Family Game Nights on Sundays. I always think of Sundays as the day for family, for spending time together and relaxing. I long for those days back, but I know it's possible that those are gone (at least for awhile.) I hope that when I have my own kids, perhaps we could have the whole family gathering on Sundays again. I FaceTimed my family tonight though, just to say hey.

I love love. 

This may not be a regular Sunday thing, but today I've really noticed other people's love for each other. One obvious one was that one of my friends posted a song on Facebook that her fiance wrote for her titled "Love, Love, Love." It was adorable and so cute to hear him express his lasting love for her. Another love thing was today in church, the speaker was telling a story about his parents' marriage and how they always struggled. About 7 years ago, they found out that his mother was cheating on his dad. But instead of ending their marriage and calling it quits, it has made their marriage so much better. I think it is so awesome to see a couple be that committed to each other and take those vows that they made seriously. I think it such an inspiration and proof that you can do that. That's what I want. When I make that vow, that's gonna be it. 

I just have a memory of Sundays that might be why I like them, I don't know. 

Before my brother was born and my parents were still married, sometimes on the way home from church, we would go to Burger King and get our lunch. We would go through the drive-thru and then my mom would let me hold the bag. I was allowed to eat one fry on the way home/ Let's be honest, I snuck a few fries. Sometimes they would be really hot so I would hold the fry out the window to cool it down. I laugh thinking about my long haired, chubby cheeked self dangling a fry out the window of the backseat of our silver Intrepid. Good times, good times. 

Happy Sunday!

Love,

LHDK

So I decided my life is one big bundle of confusion?

Hi. 

So it just seems that in between my posts, I just roll up in a ball of confusion. Lately life has been super de duper confusing. I might as well begin with the most confusing issue that quite frankly cannot be ignored right now.

What is a God pleasing relationship? 

I don't know. No one seems to. Which has led to what happened yesterday. My boyfriend said that he felt that we should stop kissing. (SIDE NOTE: Sometimes I say things and then I ask myself where the heck the strength to say that came from) Without even thinking, I said "Okay." Now let me tell you, this is a crazy concept for two people who have been dating for almost a year and a half. In my head, it's basically become a game. Can we win? I don't lose, so there really isn't an option. :) 

Would I have suggested this myself? Mmmmm... probably not. Yes, I have considered it, even read books about it but my own selfishness tends to come first. (Which is not good!) 

Was I gonna argue about it? Not a chance. Though I may not agree or understand 100%, I knew in my heart that he is probably right. A friend asked me if I was going to hash it out since the Bible says that women should submit to their husbands (interpreted as boyfriend) and that's that. It is not my place to argue about this, but rather to agree and accept what he feels. 

PLOT TWIST.

Today we were discussing it again and he said that he had been rethinking it and maybe it was okay to kiss. 

So basically, we're just two confused twenty year olds that are crazy in love, and we don't know what to do about it. That's a pretty accurate summary. 

And then there is the little bump in the road of my career uncertainty. I have really been feeling a little tug lately that I want to be like a children's director at a church. Or a librarian. 

So there's that.

Love, 

LHDK