So it's a mixed up kind of day?

Hello.

Tonight I skipped my small group, ate two donuts, and then I just cried. 

Sounds to me like I'm spiraling down into a deep hole of utter despair...this didn't occur to me until I began to write this!

So here we go.

I know I shouldn't have skipped my small group, but the only reason I go anymore is because I know that is the right thing to do. Last year, I had an incredible small group and this year just simply isn't standing up to that. When I go, I always look at my watch and want to know how much longer it will be until we can leave. Last year, we would talk and talk for hours and I never cared about the time. It's not that I don't love Jesus and I don't want to grow in my faith, it's simply that I'm not getting what I want out of it. I should really pray about it and stop complaining.

The donuts. Well, my roommate wanted donuts so we got some and we each ate two. The end. 

And the cause of my tears... When I was 7th grade, my youth pastor was killed in a car accident and tomorrow is the 7 year anniversary of that happening. Just reading people's posts on Facebook made me tear up and realize many things. One is obviously that life is so fragile and can be taken away so fast simply by driving to work in the morning. That's kinda scary. Also, it saddens me to think that his children will never know and remember him as their father. It just breaks my heart. There's a Garth Brooks song called, "If Tomorrow Never Comes," and one of the lines is "If tomorrow never comes, will you know how much I love you?" This really makes me more conscious of how I act towards people when I leave them. If I don't say I love you to my parents before I leave or they leave, I never know if that will the last time I get to say it. It also spurs me sometimes to just randomly text people and tell them "Hey, I think you're a really great person and I'm glad you're in my life." Because you simply never know... 

Amor,

LHDK