Wednesday, October 23, 2013

So I decided my life is one big bundle of confusion?

Hi. 

So it just seems that in between my posts, I just roll up in a ball of confusion. Lately life has been super de duper confusing. I might as well begin with the most confusing issue that quite frankly cannot be ignored right now.

What is a God pleasing relationship? 

I don't know. No one seems to. Which has led to what happened yesterday. My boyfriend said that he felt that we should stop kissing. (SIDE NOTE: Sometimes I say things and then I ask myself where the heck the strength to say that came from) Without even thinking, I said "Okay." Now let me tell you, this is a crazy concept for two people who have been dating for almost a year and a half. In my head, it's basically become a game. Can we win? I don't lose, so there really isn't an option. :) 

Would I have suggested this myself? Mmmmm... probably not. Yes, I have considered it, even read books about it but my own selfishness tends to come first. (Which is not good!) 

Was I gonna argue about it? Not a chance. Though I may not agree or understand 100%, I knew in my heart that he is probably right. A friend asked me if I was going to hash it out since the Bible says that women should submit to their husbands (interpreted as boyfriend) and that's that. It is not my place to argue about this, but rather to agree and accept what he feels. 

PLOT TWIST.

Today we were discussing it again and he said that he had been rethinking it and maybe it was okay to kiss. 
So basically, we're just two confused twenty year olds that are crazy in love, and we don't know what to do about it. That's a pretty accurate summary. 

And then there is the little bump in the road of my career uncertainty. I have really been feeling a little tug lately that I want to be like a children's director at a church. Or a librarian. 

So there's that.

Love, 

LHDK

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

So it's a mixed up kind of day?

Hello.

Tonight I skipped my small group, ate two donuts, and then I just cried. 
Sounds to me like I'm spiraling down into a deep hole of utter despair...this didn't occur to me until I began to write this!

So here we go.

I know I shouldn't have skipped my small group, but the only reason I go anymore is because I know that is the right thing to do. Last year, I had an incredible small group and this year just simply isn't standing up to that. When I go, I always look at my watch and want to know how much longer it will be until we can leave. Last year, we would talk and talk for hours and I never cared about the time. It's not that I don't love Jesus and I don't want to grow in my faith, it's simply that I'm not getting what I want out of it. I should really pray about it and stop complaining.

The donuts. Well, my roommate wanted donuts so we got some and we each ate two. The end. 

And the cause of my tears... When I was 7th grade, my youth pastor was killed in a car accident and tomorrow is the 7 year anniversary of that happening. Just reading people's posts on Facebook made me tear up and realize many things. One is obviously that life is so fragile and can be taken away so fast simply by driving to work in the morning. That's kinda scary. Also, it saddens me to think that his children will never know and remember him as their father. It just breaks my heart. There's a Garth Brooks song called, "If Tomorrow Never Comes," and one of the lines is "If tomorrow never comes, will you know how much I love you?" This really makes me more conscious of how I act towards people when I leave them. If I don't say I love you to my parents before I leave or they leave, I never know if that will the last time I get to say it. It also spurs me sometimes to just randomly text people and tell them "Hey, I think you're a really great person and I'm glad you're in my life." Because you simply never know... 

Amor,

LHDK